By Alissa Hill, RPC-C
When you work in community; be it organizing events, supporting families, showing up in crisis, or just trying to make your neighborhood stronger, there’s a lot that can feel out of your control. Emotions run high, funding runs low, and things don’t always go the way we planned.
But, there’s one tool that many of us leave untapped; our nervous system.
It might not sound flashy, but the way we understand and care for our own inner world can be one of the most powerful ways to build trust, connection, and resilience in our communities. At STOPS to Violence Saskatchewan, we’re learning that this kind of emotional regulation, rooted in something called Polyvagal Theory, isn’t just for therapists or scientists. It’s for all of us.
So, what is Polyvagal Theory?
Polyvagal Theory was developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, and in simple terms, it explains how our nervous system responds to stress, danger, and safety.
Consider this:
When we feel safe and calm, we’re more open, kind, curious, and ready to connect with others.
When we feel stressed or threatened, our body shifts into fight-or-flight mode. We might feel irritated, anxious, or on edge.
When things feel overwhelming or hopeless, we may shut down, go numb, or feel like giving up.
These reactions aren’t cognitive choices; they’re our body’s automatic way of trying to protect us. In community work, we see these states show up all the time, in ourselves, our coworkers, and the people we serve.
Why does this matter in community?
At STOPS, we work alongside communities across the province to reduce violence and strengthen natural supports. Whether we’re facilitating gatherings, or supporting local champions and programs, we know relationships are the foundation.
But, it is vital to understand that relationships can only grow in environments where people feel safe, seen, and understood.
Let’s say you’re running a community meeting, and one participant seems checked out, barely speaking. Another is interrupting or getting defensive. You might feel frustrated. What if you could recognize that both people are reacting from a nervous system trying to stay safe; one is shutting down, the other is gearing up?
When we understand these responses, we stop taking things personally. We stop reacting. We in turn, respond with curiosity, not control.
Regulation is contagious:
A misconception is that emotional regulation means, “staying calm all the time.” What a regulated nervous system really means is knowing how to come back to a grounded place; particularly when things get tough.
We talk about this a lot in our Framework to Strengthen Natural Supports. The idea is simple: the more regulated we are, the more we can offer safety to others. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about practicing ways to steady ourselves, so we might help others feel steady too.
Here are some examples of how this might look:
-Taking a breath before responding to tension in a meeting
-Letting your shoulders drop and softening your tone when someone’s upset
-Starting a gathering with a grounding check-in or moment of silence
-Recognizing when you need a break, and taking it without guilt
These small shifts can create big changes in how communities relate and heal.
It’s about the individual and the whole:
It is important to recognize that trauma and stress don’t only live in individuals. They live in systems, families, and neighborhoods too. That’s why this work isn’t just about “self-care.” It’s about community care.
Polyvagal Theory helps us see how trauma shows up in everyday behaviors, and how safety isn’t just about saying the right thing, it’s about how people feel in our presence. Are we regulated enough to help others feel safe to speak? To trust? To show up?
A few ways you might start:
Here are some simple ways to bring in regulation to your being, group and community:
-Notice your body. When do you feel open and engaged? When do you tense up or zone out?
-Practice breath and pause. A slow breath can signal to your body that it’s safe enough to stay present.
-Build in rituals. Whether it’s music, a grounding question, or a short walk, rituals help regulate groups.
-Be gentle. With yourself and others. Everyone’s nervous system has a story behind its response.
Community work is heart work. And that means it can also be hard work. But if we can understand and care for our nervous systems, we can show up with more compassion, more clarity, and more connection for ourselves and those around us.
