Written by Alissa Hill, MPCC-P
In a world where the loudest message is often “put yourself first,” we risk forgetting that true resilience is not only about individual strength but also about our capacity for softness, flexibility, and connection. Resilience is not simply powering through adversity; it’s the ability to bend without breaking, to stay open when it would be easier to close off, and to choose inconvenience when it serves something larger than ourselves.
At STOPS to Violence, we often speak about the importance of natural supports, those everyday relationships and networks that help us weather life’s storms. These supports thrive not because they are always easy, but because people choose to show up for one another, even when it costs them time, energy, or comfort. That willingness is what transforms a collection of individuals into a true community.
The Cost and Gift of Inconvenience
Being part of a community inevitably means that at times we will be asked to do things that are difficult, uncomfortable, or simply not convenient. It could be taking the time to check in on a neighbour, attending a community gathering when you’d rather stay home, or speaking up when silence might feel easier. These choices are not always ideal for us individually in the moment, but they are essential for the collective good.
The “price” of community is sometimes inconvenience. And yet, when we lean into that price, we find that the return is much greater: safety, trust, belonging, and the knowledge that when we are in need, others will inconvenience themselves for us too.
Softness as Strength
Resilience is often portrayed as toughness, hard edges that allow us to withstand challenges. But there is another kind of resilience: one that looks like softness. Softness does not mean weakness. It means being willing to listen, to compromise, to hold space for others, and to admit when we need help ourselves. It is this softer form of resilience that allows communities to adapt, grow, and heal together.
When we practice softness, we open ourselves to shared responsibility. We create space for different voices and experiences. We allow for relationships to deepen, because we are not only looking out for ourselves but also for each other.
Resource to explore: Our work is informed by Asset-Based Community Development (ABCD), which flips the narrative from “what’s wrong” to “what’s strong.” By starting with community strengths and gifts, we make space for more voices and more possibilities...
Asset Based Community Development (ABCD) - Nurture Development
How STOPS Puts This Into Practice
Much of the work STOPS to Violence leads is about strengthening the web of relationships that make up communities. From the Strengthening Natural Supports Framework to Asset Based Community Development that encourage people to check in, reach out, and support each other, the focus is on building a culture where everyone has someone to turn to.
This work recognizes that preventing violence and creating safety is not the responsibility of a single program or professional service, it’s something we all hold together. That means sometimes saying yes when it’s inconvenient, practicing softness when it would be easier to harden, and remembering that resilience is both an individual and a collective practice.
Serving Ourselves by Serving Each Other
The paradox is that by stepping into community care, we also serve ourselves. A strong community makes each of us safer, more supported, and more resilient. By balancing self-care with care for others, we build a world where both individuals and communities can thrive.
As STOPS continues this work, we invite you to reflect: Where might you choose inconvenience for the sake of community? How can softness become a strength in your own relationships? And what would our communities look like if we all leaned a little more into both?
